


I'm fine

by frostedmist



Category: Chuck (TV)
Genre: Fighting, M/M, Season 3, Strong Language, missing moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 17:44:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8455867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostedmist/pseuds/frostedmist
Summary: "«I know, Casey, and I am sorry...», he finally spoke, guilt knotting his stomach tight.Casey grinned. Yeah, exactly. That grin. Bitter. Teeth showing. Head shaking, slowly. A brief scoff. A growling dog that's telling you he's going to bite. «You don't know shit, Bartowski. You never have, and probably never will»".
Casey is tired of Chuck ending up as a damsel in distress.Set in S3, before 3x10





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! frostedmist here. More than two years have passed since the last time I've written fanfiction, but finally Chuck caught my interest and here I am, writing a small "missing moment" I hope can nicely fit into the story without disturbing it. As I said in the summary, the story is set in season 3, before the whole shebang of the 3x10 (for obvious reasons). I did not finish the entire series yet (but I'm working on it real hard I swear) and even if I wouldn't usually write anything before making sure I know the whole story, I just couldn't wait. Casey is too ~~hot~~ inspiring.   
>  Please signal to me any OOC behaviour or typos, I'd really like your honest opinions. 
> 
> Suggested songs are: [Can you feel my heart - Bring me the horizon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNbZJ-IgAEg) and [Delicate - Damien Rice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnL3NfhOsBM).

«You stupid little kid...», Casey grunted at him, quickly skipping through the descending steps of the ladder into Castle. «You idiot piece...», he kept muttering as he entered the base. «... of SHIT! », he eventually yelled out, slamming a fist on the table. He was clearly avoiding looking at the Chuck’s face, and his frustration was palpable.

He had followed Casey all the way from the Buy More and through the Orange Orange uninvited, staring at the agent's tense, wide back and being silent, like a scolded puppy. If he had a tail he'd have surely found it hanging down between his legs.

He remained silent even when Casey let his heavy body drop into the nearest chair and his head fall into his open palms. «Fuck this», he kept murmuring to himself, until Chuck couldn't make out any more of the hateful, stress-filled words that were coming out of his mouth.

All he could do was keep on standing still while silence engulfed both of them, only disrupted by the occasional beeps and buzzes of the many computers in the room. The mission had been successful, as it often was, but once again Chuck had come really close to losing his life, or _worst_ , Sarah’s. He understood it was a big part of the job, the whole today-I’m-here-tomorrow-who-knows, but as much as he liked to pretend, he wasn’t enough of a spy to stick to that mindset yet. So he had found himself at knifepoint once again, trying his best to save the day only to walk home with his own legs thanks to Casey – and Casey only. Who now was perfectly still, face buried into his strong hands, in an almost religious silence.

Of all, silence was the worst thing. Chuck had always preferred the people he loved to scream at him, instead of giving him the silent treatment. “Talk to me!”, he wanted so bad to say, but Casey… he was different. Casey didn’t talk. He grunted and ordered and cursed and growled, but he rarely _talked_.

He finally gathered up the courage and spoke, still standing behind his chair.

«Listen, Casey, I'm sorry I endangered the mission, but you know how everyone says I’m a spy now? Well I’m not. I’m still a civilian with a weird thing in his head tell telling him how to knock out bad guys and avoid lasers», he tried to explain, mocking fighting moves that made him look even more foolish. That didn’t seem to cheer anyone up. «I wish the Intersect could teach me how to shut off my feelings as well, but it can’t. I care – and I care _a lot_ , and I know you would prefer I could be like you and just do my job, but-»

«You endangered the _whole operation_ », Casey interrupted him, without moving a single inch, his voice muffled. Finally, he took a deep breath and stood up, tall, at arm’s distance from a still battered up Chuck. «Not just the mission. The whole Operation Bartowski. Do you realise what that means? Every time you risk your life you get this close to sending all our work, and the Intersect, to shit! You are always running away from the car, and the van, and the Buy More, and your damned room as soon as agent Walker is in even a bit of an embarrassment. Jesus Christ, Bartowski, she's a trained agent! She can handle herself better than you can, and even if she couldn't, she's _expendable_! _I'm_ expendable!», he was almost shouting at that point, and finally staring directly into Chuck’s eyes. His face was livid and his teeth showed each time he paused.  He jammed his index in the middle of Chuck's chest with more force than necessary. «WE ARE _ALL_ fucking expendable! Only YOU. ARE. NOT! Find some space in your stuffed head to remember _that_! And stop endangering the whole country for a woman!», he concluded, finally lowered his voice as well as his arm.

They remained still, staring at each other, Casey’s chest rising and falling at a slightly faster rate than usual. Chuck realised those were the words he needed to hear, and that John was the person he needed to hear them from, but a remote part of him still begged him to leave that place and go look for Sarah, to see if she was all right, and safe, and fed, and still beautiful. Chuck was getting good at shutting that part up.

«I know, Casey, and I am sorry...», he finally spoke, guilt knotting his stomach tight.

Casey grinned. Yeah, exactly. _That_ grin. Bitter. Teeth showing. Head shaking, slowly. A brief scoff. A growling dog that's telling you he's going to bite.

«You don't know shit, Bartowski. You never have, and probably never will. There are some things that are not up that Intersect of yours and that no one can teach you but yourself. So please do everyone a goddamn favour and stop pretending like you know everything. We all have secrets, and both Sarah and I are not the people you think we are, so cut the whole _friends forever_ act and be professional for a change!» He turned around, dreading but ready for his return to the Buy More, when he felt Chuck grab his arm.

«But Casey-»

Casey growled at him, and this time not just for show. No one should be touching him – most of all _Chuck should never_ be touching him.

«Casey! We _are_ friends! And you know that! You, Sarah and I… we’re a _team_!»

That bitter laugh again.

«Yeah, sure», he scoffed, then scrolled off Chuck’s bony hand from his arm and tried to head for the stairs again. Chuck grabbed him by the jacket, instead.

«Casey please! You know we are! You guys are almost everything I have now that half my life is a lie! You all dragged me into this and you all are dragging me through it as well! Don’t I deserve to hear that you care? At least?»

John stopped dead in his tracks and turned around again, this time leaving just a dozen inches between the two of them. He took a deep breath, tried to stay calm just a little bit more.

«I am so tired of your shit, Bartowski», he said with such clarity he almost spelled it.

Something clicked, and Chuck decided he wasn't going to it take anymore.

« _You're_ tired, Casey? YOU? What about me? What about this life that - for the hundredth time - I DID _NOT_ choose for myself? You know what? You at least decided to become this... this... _shell_ of a man you’re now! To give up all your emotions to kill and betray people day in and day out! I just wanted to know I’m more than an asset to you, but apparently that’s too much for whatever substitute for a heart you have! I can’t stand you and your... rules and protocols and guns anymore and since you seem to be so sick of me as well, you know what?», he exploded, letting it all out. He quickly reached with his hand around Casey's waist and pulled his gun out of his trousers. Weirdly enough, John did not stop him. Instead, he calmly watched Chuck shove the gun into back into his hand and point it at his own chest. «Shoot me», he hissed, the barrel of the gun digging into his ribcage.

«You need to stop wasting our time, Bartowski».

«Pull the trigger, Casey», he continued.

«Fuck you, Chuck».

«Be my _Ángel de la Muerte_!»

«You’re such a drama queen...»

«Make everyone happy», Chuck’s face moved in closer. «Just one shot and you can blame it on me flashing and attacking you and in an heartbeat you’re being sent somewhere warmer and more fun and exciting than here with-»

«STOP IT, MORON!»

«DO IT, COLONEL! DO IT!», Chuck shouted back at him, caught in an adrenaline rush. However, the last word got lost among the sound of the well assessed punch Casey threw at him, right above his left cheekbone. Chuck gracelessly plummeted to the floor, while Casey caught the gun falling between them.

Without losing a beat, he cocked it and stepped forward to stand over Chuck. He pointed the gun at his face, snarling. Chuck propped up on his palms and stood still, sitting on the floor under Casey’s towering figure.

« _You_ listen now, kid. Right now I could put a bullet into you, let you bleed for a while, take it out, no anesthesia, patch you up and fucking _shoot you again_ in the same. Damn. Spot. So stop trying my patience, boy, ‘cause you’re gonna get burned, and get burned _hard_ ».

He kept looking down at him, but Chuck didn’t look scared. Casey had no idea how to feel about that.

As Chuck was opening his mouth to speak, one of the monitors beeped, showing Sarah was about to access Castle. His eyes widened as he watched Casey quickly move away to push a few buttons on the main console. In a fraction of a second, Castle was on total lockdown.

«Casey, what is going on?», Sarah's voice spoke loud and clear through the interphone. «Let me in!»

Casey pressed another button to answer. «Go away, Agent Walker. This is between me and the asset».

«What the hell? What are you doing to him? Let me in! Chuck?!»

«Do as he says!», Chuck shouted. The last thing he wanted was for the discussion to get even more complicated because of her, who most of the time seemed to not even know whose side to was on.

«Chuck?», she called again, this time from Chuck’s watch. «I can see you on the cameras, what is going on?»

«Sarah, I’m fine! Just go, I’ll be out soon!», he told her, but he didn’t even manage to convince himself. After a few seconds the connection shut down, and Castle was sent back into the solemn silence it was in before. Chuck tried to slowly stand up while Casey was still curled over the console.

«I don’t get it, Casey», he spoke softly. «If I am just a mission to you and nothing more, then why stay? Why don’t you just _go_? I have seen the look on your face, you crave action, and- and war and excitement, so how you can you be okay with just… _babysitting_ me?», he asked calmly while he slowly made his way across the room.

Casey did not answer.

«If you don’t want to shoot me then of course I appreciate it but there are less violent ways to just… _go_ , you know? Why are you so angry if you don’t care?», he continued. Casey noticed disappointment and self-blame almost dripped from his every word. After all, Chuck had never been good at hiding his emotions, and Casey had been trained to spot them – a powerful combo that was making John feel way more emphatetic than what he was used to, and comfortable with.

«Because…», he finally answered, still resting with his elbows against the desk. He gripped tight onto his gun and sighed. «There’s going to be a day when my last-second save will be a second too late. I know it ‘cause I’ve seen it. And I don’t want to see it again».

Chuck was left speechless and amazed. The knot in his stomach untied all of a sudden and his lips curled into a smile.

«So you _do_ care, Colonel», he almost laughed from the relief. «You care about us! You care about _me_!»

Casey turned around, rolling his eyes further than he had ever done before. He had been honest, and now he was never going to hear the end of it. «Don’t call me that», he grunted, waving his gun in Chuck’s general direction.

In return, Chuck smiled like a little kid. «Why would I not? I though you loved it! Colonel Casey! Colonel Casey! Colonel-»

He was brutally interrupted by the gunshot aimed at the surveillance camera that was observing them, and then by Casey himself, who snarled yet again and slammed his mouth against Chuck’s, in a way that resembled more an attack than a kiss. He was so eager he was almost forcing him to part his lips to suck and bite and pull on them. Chuck felt so confused he simply gave in, only briefly thinking back to their “first” kiss and about how different _this_ was. He could feel Casey’s hand grasping the front of his shirt, he could feel short breaths escaping his nose, but most of all he could feel his teeth – those teeth, always showing from behind his tense lips. Then, as quickly as it had started, Casey pulled away.

«… John…», Chuck whispered, somehow finishing his interrupted sentence. His eyes were wide like a deer in the headlights, his face fired up and some of the shirt’s button undone.

Casey scoffed, still mere inches from Chuck’s face, his lips parted and a grin showing. He wiped a trace of saliva from the corner of his mouth with his thumb. «Let her in, Bartowski», he smiled, then shoved his gun back into his belt and headed for the underground corridor for the Buy More.

After about thirty seconds, which Chuck spent flailing for a seat and asking himself what the hell just happened, he managed to release the lockdown and Sarah came rushing down the stairs.

«Chuck!», she called out. «What happened to you? Look at your face! Are you all right?»

He softly brushed his own cheek, suddenly realising it was bloody and swollen. The red stains on his fingers, as well as his hand himself, seemed foreign and distant to him. As he turned towards Sarah, that part of his brain acknowledged once again how gorgeous she was, but the rest of him simply brushed it off, too occupied with the lingering thought of Casey’s warm body against his own in such an intimate way.

“I’m fine”, he muttered. “Really, I’m fine”.

As he watched Sarah rush away to get a first aid kit, he realised that at least he had the lying part of the job down.

 


End file.
